What do you consider a date?
Trial dates, buffer dates and more nonsense
Hi Friends,
I may be out of the loop, but I just heard of a “buffer date” and I’m…just…over it.
Let me explain. Apparently, a buffer date is meant to act as a sort of trial, wherein a hetero relationship, a man invites a woman to his home to “chill” and “get to know each other.”
Excuse me, what?!
This threw me into a whole spiral of questions: What do I consider a date? Is dating courting? What’s the purpose of dating or courting?
As someone who isn’t looking for a life partner per se, but rather looking to add meaningful relationships to my already fulfilling life, this sounds exhausting.
Red flags to look for if you’re actually trying to get to know someone:
They invite you to their home for a first date. Not only is this dangerous, but it’s just lazy on their part.
They insist that you’re “on a trial” so they can decide whether or not you’re worth their time. While you may also think this way, saying it aloud isn’t very nice, is it?
They claim not to like “dates” because they’re expensive. Dates don’t have to be expensive or cost any money at all. You know this. I know this. A walk in the park, coffee, ice cream, anything to show you can make some effort.
They say they want to get to know you, but don’t ask any get-to-know-you questions. This is tied with #5. This is an indication that this person is superficial, only going through the motions. You’ll soon be pulling teeth for meaningful conversation and begging to be seen as a human being with feelings, wants, and needs.
They want to see you several times a week, after sundown only. I get it. We all swipe when it’s cold and we’re bored and lonely. But if someone insists on only seeing you after dark and all the time, they may be using you as a superficial bandaid for their own loneliness. This won’t go anywhere, and it won’t end well.