The Misogyny Edition

Why date men who hate women?

Hi friends,

I was recently on a dating app (I know, it happens when it gets chilly out) and I got a SuperSwipe. That rarely happens, so I was excited to open the app and see who liked me so much that they used their one-time SuperSwipe on me.

I was disappointed to see someone who (totally not their fault) was not only not my type, but had written a sonnet to women who may be struggling, who may have been hurt, to hold on tight because, in this man, they’d found a true hero.

Red flags FLYING.

He went on to talk about how he understood that these women who have been ground down by the dating rat race needed healing and he was willing to support them through the journey with unconditional love.

The last line of this beautiful ode to healing women? “FWB only for now.”

FWB ONLY FOR NOW. The old bait and switch. He was looking for “friends with benefits”….who also happened to be looking specifically for a man who will hold them while they cried and shower them with “unconditional love.”

If we choose to live in a binary world of men and women, then we’re forced to deal with guys like this. Guys who are using the shift in gendered expectations — a shift that’s opening people of any gender and no gender to simply be who they want to be, regardless of relationship status — to their advantage to snap up those who may be having a hard time keeping up.

But I’m here to help.

Red Flags That Tell You to Run

1. He always opens the door, but insists that it’s not because he’s nice, it’s because he’s an “Alpha Male that’s what Alpha Males do.”

2. He refers to women as females. Look, I get it. Many women are biologically female, but that’s beside the point and no one’s business. It’s literally dehumanizing to call a woman “a female.” A female what? horse? Duck? Dog? Ohhh, a female human. Well, I’ve got news for you, sir. There are plenty of other words for that.

3. He is anti-feminist. Hear me out: I understand that connotations around the word “feminist” have shifted and warped over time, but in the end, it’s still simply the belief that men and women should be treated equally. Equally empowered, equally represented, etc. If your date firmly believes that there are spaces where women “belong” and where they don’t, RUN.

4. He doesn’t have a favorite meal to cook. Even the worst cooks among us have a favorite “struggle meal” to throw together when desperate. If he’s frail-looking because he still forages for food and doesn’t know how to take care of himself, see #5.

5. He has been waiting to start his life until he finds a wife. Ah, the old “I’ll buy a house when I settle down.” or "I’ll start saving for retirement when I have a family” (I’ve literally been told this by a date). If your date is putting their life on hold and holding back financially until they find a mate, it’s possible they’re also on the hunt for someone to manage their home and raise their children. It’s giving…failure to launch. He’s looking for a reason to grow up — and that’s you. Prepare yourself for a co-dependent, parent-child relationship.