Spooky Tales from Dating App Hell
Ghosting, gaslighting, and general lack empathy, oh my!
Hi Friends,
It’s ~spooky season~ and Halloween is right around the corner. Just in time to relive some of the most horrifying moments in my dating app history:
There was the time I was hypnotized without consent in an effort to convince me to marry someone.
Oh, then there was the time I showed up to a date and looked me up and down and then turned around and walked out.
And we can’t forget the time I called a man by the wrong name (because I had a full calendar of dates and, let’s face it, he just looked like a “Paul”!).
And who can forget the guy with a room that looked like a tornado hit it.
Actually, this is started to read like someone who isn’t good at noticing red flags 🤔
Nevermind that. I suffered so you don’t have to. And now, I can spot red flags from a mile away. Read on for tips to avoid your own horror stories this spooky season!
Red Flags to Avoid If You Scare Easily:
He doesn’t read or listen to podcasts (or judges you for reading books). We are what we consume, and reading and listening to stories can help build our world view — or help us escape it. For me, someone who doesn’t consume media to learn something new every now and then is just plain boring.
They sincerely believe in conspiracy theories and they try to get you to believe in them, too. Listen, I might believe that the Titanic was sunk on purpose to save money. (It’s possible, right? Look it up!) But just typing that made me cringe at myself. If your date isn’t firmly rooted in reality, run for the hills.
He’s a ghost. One day he was a real person, communicating regularly and happy to go on dates, but then he just *poof* disappears out of the blue. But he’s not quite gone: every so often your phone buzzes with a “You up?” text. If he pops up to scare you into engaging with him again, hide in the closet or under the bed — anywhere he can’t find you.
He doesn’t have Tupperware stained blood red. This one might seem odd, but who among us hasn’t stored leftovers in a container, only to forever change the color (and smell) of that container? Does this person not cook? Does he not make enough for leftovers?! It could just be me, if he doesn’t have stained Tupperware, I get the eerie feeling that I’ll be doing the cooking in that relationship.
He IS a conspiracy. Hear me out: He asks you out and offers a time and day for your date. At the last minute, he has to reschedule, so you ask when he’s available again, offering that you’re free next Tuesday. His only response is “Tuesday doesn’t work for me.” So you offer up Thursday. He says, “Thursday’s no good.” And it goes on like that until you realize this man doesn’t actually exist and you’re speaking to a bot. That’s the only explanation I can think of for this behavior.