Safety First
How does a potential match react to your lived experience around safety?
Hi friends,
Lately, I’ve been thinking about my “kick the tires” boundary tests, and one that I hadn’t considered as a red flag until recently was safety. Dating can be dangerous. I insist on a video call before meeting any dates in person. I call it a vibe check. And it’s the first “kick the tires” boundary I set. Some men say it ruins the surprise of meeting in person…those men fail the test. A good date will understand the realities of the world and won’t gaslight you into taking risks that feel unsafe.
Red Flags to watch out for to stay safe:
He refuses the safety precautions you’ve requested (like saying no to a video chat).
He jokes about “not assaulting you”, “not being a murderer” or some other creepy, projecting statement.
He invites you to his home for a first date (or in one instance I experienced, he suggests a car ride for a first date).
He refuses to give you his last name for a background check.
He insists you’re “too much work” when you merely mention that you’re trying to stay safe. This is gaslighting and a big no-no.
BONUS: He suggests hiking as a first date. We’ve seen enough true crime. I’m not going to the woods, to the top of a mountain, or a secluded forest with a stranger 👀