Just what IS future faking?
Hi Friends,
I’ve talked about gaslighting and love bombing before, but I want to go deeper into something I’d never thought about until I encountered it: Future Faking.
Imagine this: You’ve met someone amazing. They say all the right things. They can see you as a future wife! You’re perfect to them in every way — and they can’t stop gushing over how beautiful your kids would look.
But you’ve been on 3 dates.
This is an attempt to manipulate you into seeing a future with them in an attempt to get you to not sweat the small stuff, but rather focus on the warm and fuzzy potential future being presented to you. Some people just love romanticizing romance. (Have you ever heard anyone say that just love love? Or that they’re a true romantic at heart?)
It’s perfectly fine to dream, to hope, and to see a future with someone. It’s not ok to be sold a story to reel you in before you have a chance to see people for who they really are. Here are some tips to stay in the here and now while dating.
Red Flags to Avoid Future Fating
He starts talking about how cute your features would look on non-existent kids you have, but you haven’t yet had the Kids Talk.
He names every city he would romance you in, repeatedly promising to spend Valentine’s day in Paris with you — he hasn’t even asked if you own a Passport yet.
He mentions that he sees his grandmother in you. Hear me out: This once happened to me and I asked for clarification. It turns out, he was trying to compliment me on how well I was aging (what?) and see if I could imagine myself old, enjoying a front porch lemonade with him. It was our first date.
He speaks in “ifs”, as in: If that were me, I would buy flowers for my wife every week. Or, If I had a girlfriend, I would spoil her and make sure she has everything she wants. In scenarios like this, your date is giving you a taste of how amazing your life would be if you only just committed to them. But what’s stopping them from treating you well as you get to know them?
He’s always talking about his grand plans for the future, but never connecting today’s action to tomorrow’s outcome. If your date has plans to start a business but never does anything (from what you can tell) to get it off the ground, they are selling you a story, or at the very least, they’re telling themselves a story. Either way, watch what he prioritizes and accomplishes in the present, not what he promises for the future.