🏳️🌈Happy Pride!🏳️🌈
Hi Friends,
It’s Pride Month! That means a ton of rainbows and events around the city, dancing, drinking, celebrating, and honoring those who have fought and continue to fight for the freedom to be your true self without discrimination.
I don’t know about you, but Pride always reminds me of the times I’ve been hit on at a bar by a gross man pointing at two women presumably on a date. “Don’t you think they’re hot?” He says, testing my boundaries. He’s kicking the tires, trying to see how I’ll react. Maybe it’s just me (I smile a lot, which can sometimes confuse those with no self-awareness), but this has happened MULTIPLE TIMES. Is it my face? My posture?! My welcoming attitude?! What about me says “Say this to her!”?
In any case, I’ve learned when it comes to gender and sexuality, the red flags get easier and easier to spot. I could go on and on (and maybe I will), but here are a few:
Red Flags for Dating a Self-Proclaimed LGBTQIA+ Ally
They always talk about their “gay friends.” Once, at a bar, a guy interrupted a conversation between me and a friend to say “By the way, if you’re lesbians, I have gay friends so I’m cool.” We were not lesbians.
They hint at a threesome anytime you point out an attractive person. If you’re comfortable in your own sexuality, pointing out someone you find objectively attractive is NOT an invitation to go deeper than that. Yet, some people will immediately sexualize your comment. Gross.
You tell them you may be bisexual and they start telling you all the friends they have a crush on. Just because someone is sexually fluid (we’re all on the spectrum!) does NOT mean that they want to hear about your attraction to specific people. Coming out can be vulnerable and scary if you’re already in a relationship with someone. Don’t make it about sex—or yourself.
You mention polyamory and then (you guessed it) immediately start naming which one of their friends they want to date. Are you seeing the trend? It’s an instant red flag for me when I mention any ways of being outside of monogamy and the person I’m into is excited to hook up with their friends now. First of all, WHAT?! So you’re just waiting for the signal to jump on them? And second, polyamory means communication, respect, and setting up clear boundaries. Some people think being in any form of non-monogamous relationship means you can never cheat. They’re wrong.
They say “I’m all for ‘the gays’ but they should keep it in the bedroom!” I want to scream this from the rooftops: STOP SEXUALIZING STRANGERS WHO ARE JUST TRYING TO LIVE THEIR LIVES! You wouldn’t tell a man and a woman holding hands to “keep it in the bedroom” would you? Anyone I’m into who even sniffs at this line of thinking will see me throw down enough cash to cover my portion of the bill and then never again.